So my husband and I had a heart to heart last night. We bared ourselves in ways we haven't done in years. Only problem, he doesn't except me as I am now. What am I suppose to do? He is asking for things that are not going to be easy. Nothing is going to be easy. He wants me to change and idk if I can. Idk if I want to after all the years if putting up with what I had to put up with. I need to change for myself, for health benefits etc. it's hard to hear that his happiness is dependent on my weight. Not fair. At all. I noticed he put a password on his phone today.... He had never done that before. Makes me nervous and scared. He's asking for so much. Idk what to do. I want him to be happy. But I believe it's unfair that he makes it a condition on my weight. What had he done for me? I don't know the last time he gave me a compliment... Or just told me something nice. That's so sad. So sad. I want more from him. And I know that explains my depression. I'm not bring taken care of in the emotional way that I need. I'm starving for affection. And it breaks my heart that I only want it from him.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Friday, January 4, 2013
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
New year.
I just wish you could smile. I just wish you would laugh. This is for you my love....
Not everything is easy
Not everything is right
Not everything will work
Not everything is bright
It takes a little work
It takes a little love
It takes a bit of trust
It takes the two of us
Not everyone will smile
Not everyone will cry
Not everyone can make the mile
Not everyone can survive
It takes a little work
It takes a little love
It takes a bit of trust
It takes the two of us
Monday, December 5, 2011
The gang up and my reasoning
Why every time I fight with my husband he finds someone to gang up with him against me. It's kinda annoying, and more then a bit immature. Whats really sad, it's mostly his dad. Drives me insane. But he does it, and I usually cave cause I don't want to put up with it and I don't want to hear about it. I pick my battles. I know whats worth it and whats not, just to keep the peace between us. Sure it's aggravating, but I know some things just aren't a priority. I do know he dosent like that I stand up when I feel it's needed. He feels like he can't talk to me any more. I feel the same. I feel like what I say is brushed off as unimportant, what I believe, and what I dream, is meaningless unless it's something he wants or thinks. I feel that anything I do is disregarded and disrespected. But at the same time. I feel he is the only one who listens. The only one who stands beside me, when the world is against me. It's a catch 22. There is good and bad in every relationship. I think people make it too easy for divorce. To easy to give it up and leave it all. Not for me. I won't put up with an abuser, but I can put up with some one who is a bit temperamental. He just has some growing to do yet. Like I know I do. With age I hope it gets better. Wish me luck.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Working
I do really love my job. It's kind of like scrubs, only real life. Lots of drama and entertainment. But also awesome friendships and fearful enemies. it's an hourly job that I enjoy for the most part. A place I enjoy being a small piece of. I couldn't ask for more. Except That the drama fucking sucks! Drama! Drama! Drama! It's there everytime you turn around. In the hallway, or down in the next office. It's crazy at times. But again, it's a job that I can put up with. A job I can do to get my pay check everyother week. In the end thats all that matters.